Thursday, October 07, 2010

Quote Quagmire

Yesterday several news director felt it "newsworthy" and reportable that Frito-Lay was replacing a recyclable chip bag because of noise complaints from customer. I felt that really was not worthy of reportage until I came across another story about two different groups of cheerleaders, one group was complaining that their uniforms were too revealing -- the other, of course, felt their costumes were too modest, which led to this quotation:
"If nothing else, the two divergent pleas provide an intriguing case study for why establishing national cheerleading uniform standards might be justified."
Please allow for a moment to mull the concept that elected officials at some level might now be spending time, energy and potentially tax dollars pondering national cheerleading uniform standards. And if this comes to pass would the standards be the same throughout this great nation, making them uniform uniform standards?
This, of course, led me to my 'saved quotes' file. I offer these without comment for your appreciation, contemplation and derision:
On the contemplation of life: "Sometimes I lie awake at night, and I ask, "Where have I gone wrong?" Then a voice invariably says to me, "This is going to take more than one night."
On caring for oneself: "Health food may be good for the conscience, but Haagen Dazs taste a hell of a lot better."
On the difference between men and women: "If a woman has to choose between catching a fly ball and saving an infant's life, she will choose to save the infant's life without even considering if there are men on base."
On life, dating and/or something else: "Sometimes it's barely worth chewing through the restraints."
On politics, the Tea Party and jihad: "Those who make peaceful revolution impossible will make violent revolution inevitable."

On advice and wisdom: "Enjoy life, this is not a dress rehearsal."


Anonymous said...

Good stuff, Tim. But who said them? I'd like to pass a couple of them on, and being colonized by academia, want to give proper attribution. (Sigh.)

In return, here are a couple of my favorites:

“I have enough money to last me the rest of my life, unless I buy something.” -- Jackie Mason

Life - a sexually transmitted terminal condition. -- Walter Prager

The Shrink said...

Let's see if I can recall these attributions without looking them up.

"Sometimes I lie awake at night" is Charles Schultz, Peanuts.

"If a woman has to choose" is Dave Berry, Dilbert.

that's two comics, which should make Tina happy.

"Health food may be good" is attributed to Robert Redford but he used Oreos instead of ice cream.

"Chewing through the restraints" has dozens of variations and wordings.

the "peaceful revolution" quote comes from JFK or one of his speechwriters probably Ted Sorenson.

"Enjoy Life, this is not a dress rehearsal" is a button I wear somethymes.

Anonymous said...

I have never been able to re-find this one that I use frequently and attribute to Sir Francis Gaulton, "Everything is easy to he who doeth not the work."