Observations on the Digital Screen

[Content Disclosure: Poker 0%, Television 101%, Delirium 14%, Nyquil 17 ounces]

I recently had a week long bout with evil viruses and germs, which made sitting here in front of my laptop a less than rewarding experience. Not only was my head full of cerebral cotton but my insight was reduced to the level of Mayberry RFD. So I took to my cave and brought out the couch comforter, the two super-sized bottle of Nyquil (one green and one red) and the remote control.

Where I reside these days there is a monster television screen and literally dozens of stations I have never explored and several score more I never knew existed. These are my reflections on a short week of Dextromethorphan infused exploration of television--January, 2008.

Not only are most adults not Smarter Than a Fifth Grader, most fifth graders aren't either.

Apparently Brittany Spears is more significant to the welfare of the country than either the presidential race or the looming recession.

If you are considering buying a home and spending $30,000 to remodel it so you can "flip it" in 30 days.... Don't!

Forensic Science has a lot to do with cutting the heads off of Q-Tips.

Oh and on that same subject, I know where all the disco lights from the 70's have gone; they are now installed in CSI labs all over the country. My cold got better before I could discover the exact reason for this but it may have something to do with the highlights in David Caruso's hair.

I thought I understood Hugh Hefner all these years but "The Girls Next Door" has given me new insight into his personality and now I am very, very confused about the Playboy Philosophy.

Many grown men and now several women still talk for two weeks about one football game, as if millions of people were listening. Oh and on this same topic: history is not made, never has been made and never will be made in a football stadium, at least not by anyone on the field.

The first half of the show "Intervention" is often compelling programming. The second half is not much more than Jerry Springer. On that same note, I believe the last time I took this much over the counter medication and watched this much television, I concluded that Jerry Springer was the sign of the End Times. Clearly I was wrong but that the human species will actually find a way to debase itself in worse ways is mind-boggling.

The most dramatic portion of the new wave of game shows seems to be when the host announces a commercial break, which for some reason surprises and distresses the contestants.

Politicians are saying what they have always said. This is neither political cynicism nor apathy; they really are saying exactly the same words they have said time and time again. Change, tax relief, a critical time for our country....

Digital Television really is much clearer and in many cases this is not a good thing. See Jerry Springer reference above.

In its nineteenth season, The Simpson's remains the most coherent commentary on life in the United States, rivaled only by the short-lived The Osbourne's and the Home Shopping Network, which may be the new sign of the Beast.

No cable news network is middle of the road, much less neutral but at least Fox News admits to being right wing.

Finally and seriously, it appears from all of the news shows I watched that the war in Iraq has either been won, lost or put on hold because they have stopped reporting on it. Remember when the "Vietnam War during the dinner hour" pushed many to question the government's policies in SouthEast Asia. Now, it seems, the corporate news conglomerates have simply stopped covering a war. Where have you gone Joe DiMaggio?